Monday, April 20, 2009

You Gotta Be Kidding Me

One of the hardest jobs I've ever had is being a stepmom. At times I feel like I have to straddle a thin line . . . not step on dad or the other mom's toes, not become the evil stepmom, etc. Anyway, I went to Noah's soccer game this past Saturday. I drove separately from hubby because he had some errands to run afterwards and I needed to get home and start laundry. When I got to the field, I'm scanning the crowd to see where Noah's mom is sitting because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable with me being there so I was going to keep a distance. I know this is her turf, I get it. My daughter has had a stepmom before and I know what it feels like being the mom and dealing with a stepmom. Noah's mom has never had an interest in meeting me, creating a relationship with me, nothing. When hubby and I first got married, he tried to set up a meeting so we could meet, but she wasn't interested. She doesn't really care to know the stepmom to her child. I don't get it, but she and I are so completely different when it comes to parenting. I've met her once and that was at Noah's preschool graduation. So I scan the crowd and I don't see her. I'm thinking, well, maybe she had something to do and dropped Noah off. I find a spot and sit in my chair, wave to hubby who is a coach and is manning the goal, and settle in to watch the game. The kids finish warming up and the coach tells them to go take their soccer balls to their moms. Well, Noah starts coming my way and I thought oh, how cute, he's bringing the ball to me. WRONG!! I'm sitting RIGHT.NEXT.TO.HIS.MOM!!!!!!! I didn't even recognize her!! I thought oh crap. I thought ok, I can do one of three things - (1) discreetly get up and move, (2) do nothing but then at the end of the game when you are talking to Noah they are going to realize you've been sitting there the entire time, or (3) re-introduce yourself. I chose no. 3. I got up, re-introduced myself, and became best buds with her mom (Noah's grandmother). The grandmother and I chatted it up the entire game. Hubby said later he was wondering what on earth we were talking and laughing about the whole game!! Noah's grandmother said she's the evil grandmother and I said that's okay, I'm sure I'm the evil stepmother. I'm so glad that I chose to handle it the way that I did. I really don't want Noah to ever feel uncomfortable when we are all together, and whether his mom realizes that or not, there are going to be times that we are all together.

6 comments:

  1. you go girl!! sure is a drastically different reaction than it would have been in our groupie days!?? heather

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  2. Way to go! Glad it worked out.

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  3. Oh gosh - I can so relate. My husband's first wife and I have nothing to do with each other but my stepson plays soccer on MY turf (our church) and my hubby coaches and I know all the other mom's, etc. so at least I have that advantage - ha! You'll find this funny: Last fall at the last soccer game of the season it was "our" weekend with the kids (so usually ex-wife doesn't attend). My husband father was visiting from Oklahoma and is in a wheelchair. Hubby was coaching and, of course, left the house early with stepson and grandfather for the game. He always sets up stadium chairs for me and stepdaughter. I came later with stepdaughter and toddler. 2 min before we pull into the parking lot toddler falls asleep in the car. When we pull in stepdaughter bolts from the car and lo and behold ex-wife appears out of nowhere and SITS IN MY STADIUM CHAIRS beside grandfather (who she couldn't stand when she was married to my husband) and stepdaughter. So, I stayed in the car with sleeping toddler. At half time my hubby let her have it about sitting in the chairs he set up for me. The body language was not pretty. But she sat there anyway the second half. I was actually fine in the car sipping my Diet Coke, but the idea that she just set up house in my chair was too much. Being a mom is hard. Being a step-mom is harder.

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  4. Sounds like that worked out great! It's good that the gmother likes you. I'm sure the mother would too if she gave you a chance. That's crazy that she wouldn't want to get to know the woman that's helping to co-parent her child.

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  5. I tagged you...go check it out. :)

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  6. You go!! I think you are doing a wonderful job. My mom passed away when I was 13 and my dad remarried about a year later. To say we have a difficult relationship is quite an understatement.
    I have to say, if my son had a stepmom, I would definitely want to get to know her. I know it's an awkward situation, but you are both raising him! I think you have the right idea. Keep your head up. :)

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